From the beginning...sort of

Who is who? Ya'll look so similiar. These are about the same ages...

Dear Jonah and Audrina,

Well I got this wonderful idea to start a blog about my kids from my pen pal in PA. Hi Rachel! I have to admit I am stealing her idea, but I think it's a wonderful way for you guys to see what you were like when ya'll were kids and what emotions I was experiencing at the time as well. These blogs are for ya'll and along the way maybe others can read and be able to relate as well. First off I want to tell ya'll both that I love ya'll so very much. Everyday I look at ya'll and wonder, how can I possibly have TWO children. Where did the time go?

So I'll start at the beginning and everyday I'll (hopefully) update the blog. Your daddy and I met in high school, what seems to be a hundered years ago. Maybe it's true what they say though, maybe we did know each other in another life. Your dad often teases me about something I often quote from a movie but I really trully think that "true love is the soul's recognition of it's counterpoint in another". It wasn't love at first sight, goodness we were so young how could it have been. We were only in high school at the time, 16. We were on a field trip for school at Six Flags (physics day) and when I saw him I knew I had to meet him. He was so cute. I remember his backwards cap and his freckles and how beautiful his smile was. I had a boyfriend at the time but my intent was not to go out with this boy, just to talk to him. I had seem him before in school, even thought his friend was cute, but for some reason, that day I was drawn to him. After strategically "bumping into him", he claims that's when he wanted to meet me. That's what "got" him so to speak. We spoke briefly and later that night he showed up at my softball game and the rest is history. We married at 18 and although everyone was against us from the start we have made it. We have gotten told many times throughout our marriage that we would never work, that we were too young, but can you really put an age on being in love? I mean when can you say, ok your such and such age so you can fall in love now?...I don't believe that. I knew he was my other half and I love him more than words can ever say. He knows my looks, and knows my thoughts. I don't remember what life was like before him in it and without him I don't know how I could go on. But don't get me wrong, marriage is hard work. It's not like they make it out to be in the books and movies. You trully have to work at it. But when you love someone so much you do it. You compromise and you fight and you cry and always you make up. Remember my babies that no matter how often someone doubts you, no matter how often they tell you you can't do something, remember that it CAN be done. If you want something bad enough you have to be willing to sacrifice and bend and in the end you will get what you want. We were young and niave but we loved each other so much that we wouldn't let anyone get in our way.

At 22 I had you my sweet boy. Again I was young. 21 when I got pregnant and I have to admit to you that we did not plan on your arrival, at least not yet. But I will never say that you were an accident. An accident is something that if you had to do all over again you wouldn't do it. You were a surprise. A surprise is something that if you had to do over again you would do it exactly the same! I was so shocked to find out I was pregnant and I wanted to do everything right. I read all the books I did everything I could. Your dad was SO happy to learn we were having a boy. He never had a father and never got to experience the things that so many other boys do. I knew he would be a great daddy from the beginning. He was so willing to get me what I wanted. Ice cream in the evening, Taco Bell at 1 in the morning, I couldn't have asked for a better husband. My pregnancy went smoothly and on June 16, 2004 at 10:00 AM you were delivered via C-section 9 lbs 7 ozs. My OB/GYN said that your heart rate was dropping and you were stressing out so they had to go in and get you. I was so nervous being a mom. I didn't know what to do. How to hold you, feed you, dress you. But I don't what it is, but it's true how you have that instant connection. It's weird how you can love someone so much that you've never even seen before. I would do anything for you, both of you, in that instant of first seeing you I would have died for you or killed for you. No one would ever hurt you and no one would ever take you away from me. I have to admit though Jonah that you were a fussy baby. Most big babies are I later learned. But I loved you more than life itself and for the first 10 months of your life I was your only world. I stayed home with you and never let you out of my sight. I breathed you 24/7. At 10 months though things had to change. We had to move back to Dallas and I had to get a job, we could not afford for me to stay home. It was so hard to leave you that first day at daycare. I remember wanting to cry as you screamed and reached for me. I filled my day so I wouldn't think of every passing minute. When it was time to get you I practically ran to get you. I could tell you had been crying and your eyes were all puffy. You smiled at me and my heart melted. As the days went by you got older and before I blinked you were 2 1/2 and I was pregnant, with your sister.

We were not expecting you my beautiful princess either. A definite surprise. I was so excited though to be pregnant again. Knowing that Jonah was going to get a sister or a brother to love forever. It was gonna be hard. I knew that, we all did. Your father and I were both in school. I had already gotten a bachelor's degree but after having Jonah all I could think about was being a nurse. The pay would be excellent, I could learn all there was to know about taking care of sick kids so that should ANYTHING happen, a cold, a cough, I would know what to do. I couldn't go through life being left in the dark and feeling so helpless everytime ya'll would get sick. It's horrible being a mother and seeing your child sick or in pain and not knowing what to do. As a mother you just want to take away the hurt. I would get sick a thousand times over if it meant that you wouldn't get sick or hurt just one time. So in a way I became a nurse for purely selfish reasons. That and to know that I would be secure in my job. I want to be able to give ya'll everything you could ever want and more. So anyways, I was nine months pregnant and attending orientation at school. I could hear the whispers from the students and professors. They're married and they are going to have a newborn AND be in nursing school? How are they gonna do that? They will never make it! Again the doubters. We would show them...

Audrina, you were due on June 9th, but you waited until friday night, June 15th to send your mom into labor. I had never been in labor before, with your brother my water had broke and I never felt a contraction. They had thought that was strange too, but maybe it had been my adrenaline. You read all the stories about men who get their hand or feet chopped off and never feel it, maybe it was the same. But with you, I started having contractions at 6 PM. I remember 'cause it HURT. Your dad took me for a walk and for five hours I labored on. Once your brother went to bed we went to the hospital. I was frightened. If ya'll have never been to Parkland than you wouldn't be able to understand but it's a county hospital. So all people of different races and anyone from a bullet wound to a homeless man can show up at the doors. It's a busy hospital and scary when you are pregnant and ready to birth. Had your father and I known then what we know now about birth and the birthing process (from what we learned in school) we would have opted for a midwife maybe at a birthing center. Done everything naturally. But hindsight is 20/20 and we did what we thought was right at the time. But I have to say that the experience was not as bad as we had thought. You were born healthy and happy on June 16, 2007 at 9:20 AM 8 lbs 9 ozs. You were beautiful. I have to say too that I didn't know I could love someone so equally to your brother. I had feared that I could never love someone as much as I do your brother. But I could and I do. You are my little girl, my little princess, and I would move heaven and earth if you wanted me too. It's funny too how you waited until your brother's birthday to come. I felt so bad for him. We had had a birthday party planned and it had to be put on hold. Five days late you came. People often remark how odd it is that ya'll have the same birthday. Oh how horrible that is for them. But I think it's so neat. Ya'll were born on the SAME day. A wonderful day. Ya'll have the rest of your lives to celebrate that day with each other knowing that someone you love unconditionally shares the most important day of the year with you, ya'll have each other and ya'll are bonded in that way. I think it's remarkable. I'm sure at times in the future ya'll will want seperate parties. A princess party for Audrina and a Superman party for Jonah, but for now, for Audrina's first birthday and Jonah's fourth, I celebrate them together.

Audrina, you love your brother so much. It's amazing to watch your eyes light up every time you see him. To watch you laugh and react to what he does. You want to be near him always and copy what he does. You are just a year old and you try so hard to chase him. It's wonderful see ya'll share an inside joke, some unspoken movement that ya'll do to make each other burst into laughter. How do you know Audrina that he is your brother and how do you adore him so much?? Jonah I have to say I have to constantly watch you with Audrina. As she has gotten older (1 now) she is able to take your toys and want to play with them. She is able to walk to where you are and take your toys and that makes you angry. You are constantly pushing her away and yelling at her and taking her toys. I know you love her and you kiss her often but you hate to share your things. My favorite thing is to watch you Audrina walk to your brother. He holds his arms out and you waddle with timid steps, unsteady to his outstretched arms with the biggest smile on your face. He laughs and claps and grabs you about the tummy and carries you around. I'm yelling, 'put her down Jonah'. Jonah loves it. Jonah, you tell me to feel your muscles and see how strong you are.

Jonah you are the spitting image of your father. Well I should say, you look like me but you act like your dad. You have my smile and my dimples and my wavy hair, but you have your dads enthusiasm. His boyness. You love anything round, anything resembling a ball (your first word by the way). Sports, like your dad, are the thing you eat, sleep, and breathe. You would rather be outside all day then in the classroom at daycare. You love to ride your bicicyle, and wear your gloves, and push your lawn mower around the yard. You like to crack jokes and call people 'big head'. :0) You are so funny and so full of happiness that people can't help but smile when you are around. You are gorgeous and when you smile your whole face lights up. You are mommy's little boy and always know that you will be my little boy. Even when you are teenager and want nothing to do with me I will grab you and hold you and kiss you. I love you so very much.

Audrina you are only 1 but you are my spitting image. I see alot of me in you and that scares me a little. You are stubborn and strong willed. You want your way and you are so serious. But you are definitely daddy's girl. You come to me for comfort but you love your daddy. And he loves to make you smile. He call's you his little girl and at least 20 times a day he tells me how beautiful you are. He looks at you with awe in his eyes and pure love in his heart. We cant wait to watch you get older. What will you like to do? will you like sports and playing outdoors or will you like dancing and makeup? Your dad and I love ya'll both so much. So unconditionally. Know that everything we do, EVERYTHING, we do for both of ya'll. To give ya'll a better life and a better future. Ya'll are our lives and being ya'lls parents is the BEST thing that could have happened to either of us.

Love you always and forever,
Mommy