Terrible Twos

Dear Audrina,
Well it looks like the terrible twos have come 5 months early. I don't what it is but you have been a fussy little girl lately. You like to scream at the top of your lungs and bite and hit for no reason. Your brother will just be walking by and you reach out and grab him and pinch him. You talk back and when you don't get what you want you scream bloody murder. It's not all bad though. I do have to say that you are my little angel still. You love to give me kisses and hugs and when ever I hold you you like to rest your head on my shoulder. You talk so much and you laugh so much that when I look at you my heart melts. My little girl...So big now, it's hard to remember when you were in my belly. You speak full sentences now and whenever somebody sneezes you tell them bless you. You wave to strangers walking by and you say please and thank you. I love to give you something cause the next thing out of your mouth is "Than yoo mama." Sweet baby. I wish you wouldn't grow up. I want you stay this little forever so I can hold you in my arms and rock you to sleep every night. I know there will come a time when you won't rest your head on my shoulders and won't want to give me kisses. I dread that day...

Love always and forever,
Mommy

Heaven

Dear Jonah,

Tatu was very sick. A few days after we brought him home he was very lethargic, he wouldn't eat or drink, and he was breathing really hard. We took him to the vet and found out that he had an upper respiratory infection. The vet said that it might turn into pneumonia and he might have to be hospitalized. You and and Audrina were so sad that you couldn't play with him. He sat in the laundry room and only got up to go to the bathroom. I don't know if it was the antibiotics or his sickness but he was having horrible diarrhea. He got so skinny his ribs were poking out of his tiny body. We called the breeder during the week. We had been giving him antibiotics for a few days and he just wasn't getting any better. The breeder said that they had a nurse to care option so that we wouldn't have to pay anymore vet bills. They would take all the responsibility and all the care and all the bills and when Tatu got better we would just take him back. We dropped him off on Saturday at the breeder and on Tuesday we hadn't heard anything. I called and he told us that Tatu had died on Sunday night. He was just too sick to make it. I couldn't lie to you when you asked. I told you that Tatu had died. It was kind of perfect timing really because earlier in the week the subject of heaven had come up. "Mommy what's heaven?" I explained it as best I could.

"It's everything you ever wanted. Name anything you want and that's what you would have in heaven."

"Can I have gummy bears? (Yes)" "The beach? (Yes)" "Ice cream (Yes)" "Can I play outside as long as I want? (Yes)" "Well then I can't wait to go to heaven! Then can I come back and be with you mommy after I go to heaven?"

"No baby, you don't come back. Once you're in heaven you stay in heaven with Jesus, he's the one that watches over you."

"Oh....ok"

So when Tatu died. You asked "Mommy do dogs go to heaven?"

"Yes"

"Oh, then Tatu is eating the gummy bears and when I go to heaven I can see him again!!!!" You were so excited at the thought of seeing your little best friend again. You weren't even sad. You were happy for him and I'm glad. That's how it should be...

Love always and forever,

Mommy

A boy's best friend

Dear Jonah and Audrina,

Well we got a new puppy this weekend and ya'll are amazed by him! He is a cute little Boston Terrier boy, 8 weeks old. We all fell in love with him at first sight. Ordinarily I am against getting a boy dog. My experiences with boy dogs aren't as good as with girl dogs. Girls seem to be more timid and loving and loyal then male dogs, but when I first saw Tatu (after a famous soccer player), I fell in love. We had the hardest time picking out a name. I thought he should be called Boston or Soccer (he's black and white like a soccer ball). Jonah liked Boston Chicken, Donkey, and Sour patches. But we all decided Tatu would be good. Audrina walks around the house kissing him on the head saying "come on Tutu!" He is so adorable and sweet. Audrina, you are amazed by him. When I first got home this morning I walked in to find ya'll both watching him eat and drink. Ya'll were in awe! You kept patting him on the back and kissing his head, with the BIGGEST smile on your face. Jonah, you baby talk him and he follows you around everywhere you go. It's the most precious thing I've ever seen. Ya'll like to sleep together and you take him everywhere you go. He fits right in to the family and I am excited to see how he grows up with ya'll. A new boy in the family. I guess now the boys outnumber us Audrina...

Love always and forever,

Mommy

Happy New Year! 2009

Dear Jonah and Audrina,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. It seems like there are 101 things to do everyday. There aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week to do what needs to be done everyday. Nonetheless that is no excuse to have neglected my mommy diary. A year has come and gone and now I can't believe it's already 2009. When the year changes it's both a happy time and a sad time. Happy because it's like a brand new beginning. A time for a fresh start. But yet at the same time it makes me think of death a lot. I don't know why, it's just me probably but I have an obsession with death. I have been around too many hospitals to see what growing old and sickness can do to you. But not just growing old. I have seen too many young lives being taken early. So many accidents and tragedies happen everyday and everyday that passes is one day closer to death. Such a morbid way to look at things but I think I've always been like this.

I want to grow old and watch ya'll grow. I want to see Jonah grow to be a wonderful dad and I want to watch Oscar walk Audrina down the aisle on her wedding day. I want to see our grand babies and I want to grow old with your father, but sometimes that isn't God's plan. Should anything every happen to me I want ya'll to know that I love ya'll very much. I will always be around. Maybe not physically but I will be there watching over you. I know life without me may be tough but your dad is wonderful and he will do a good job raising ya'll. I know it seems like this is such a random entry but I don't know when "my time" will come so I want to tell you here how much I love you. I make it a point to tell ya'll every night good-bye and I love you before I leave to go to work. It's important to get that last good-bye or I love you...just in case. I would hate to have left ya'll forever without having said good-bye. Odd I know, your mother is a big weirdo, but just in case...I LOVE YA'LL.

Love always and forever,
Mommy