Happy New Year! 2009

Dear Jonah and Audrina,

Sorry I haven't written in a while. It seems like there are 101 things to do everyday. There aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week to do what needs to be done everyday. Nonetheless that is no excuse to have neglected my mommy diary. A year has come and gone and now I can't believe it's already 2009. When the year changes it's both a happy time and a sad time. Happy because it's like a brand new beginning. A time for a fresh start. But yet at the same time it makes me think of death a lot. I don't know why, it's just me probably but I have an obsession with death. I have been around too many hospitals to see what growing old and sickness can do to you. But not just growing old. I have seen too many young lives being taken early. So many accidents and tragedies happen everyday and everyday that passes is one day closer to death. Such a morbid way to look at things but I think I've always been like this.

I want to grow old and watch ya'll grow. I want to see Jonah grow to be a wonderful dad and I want to watch Oscar walk Audrina down the aisle on her wedding day. I want to see our grand babies and I want to grow old with your father, but sometimes that isn't God's plan. Should anything every happen to me I want ya'll to know that I love ya'll very much. I will always be around. Maybe not physically but I will be there watching over you. I know life without me may be tough but your dad is wonderful and he will do a good job raising ya'll. I know it seems like this is such a random entry but I don't know when "my time" will come so I want to tell you here how much I love you. I make it a point to tell ya'll every night good-bye and I love you before I leave to go to work. It's important to get that last good-bye or I love you...just in case. I would hate to have left ya'll forever without having said good-bye. Odd I know, your mother is a big weirdo, but just in case...I LOVE YA'LL.

Love always and forever,
Mommy